


Happy Hurricane

by Werewolfinthetardis



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Major Illness, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 22:17:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8465065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werewolfinthetardis/pseuds/Werewolfinthetardis
Summary: Steve and Bucky decide to have a party to enjoy the crappy weather during the hurricane. As the night continues things change, alcohol is consumed, and secrets get spilled. Will their friendship make it through?





	1. Chapter 1

"Happy hurricane!!" Bucky said lifting a bottle of booze as he walked through Steve's door.

"Do people in Florida really do this?" Steve raised an eyebrow as his best friend waltzed in.

"Yes Steve! You act like it's a problem to have your friends over to drink."

"It's not that! You know you're always welcome over it's more," Steve tilted his head and shrugged his shoulder "are we really copying America's wang?"

Bucky just laughed. "I take it I'm the first to arrive?"

"First and only."

"What?" Bucky's smile faded.

"Sam and Nat are stuck because the police won't let anyone use the subway near her apartment because of the flood. Scott isn't even in town like I thought. And Loki and Thor had to take care of their father."

"How is he? Did he wake up yet?"

"Unfortunately not. Thor still has to be in charge of the family business."

"I would not want to have to try and wrangle in Loki."

"Cause you're such an angel Barnes." There was a slight eye roll.

"Ok Rogers because clearly you were such a saint. How many fist fights were you in by the time you were 16? It was like watching one of those nun puppets take on Mike Tyson."

"You're such a dick."

"I'll drink to that!" Bucky made himself at home taking out food and grabbed a beer from the fridge. After a moment of silence. "Are you still cool with me hanging out?"

"Are you kidding Buck? You know I love hanging out with you. Even if you are going to eat all my food and talk smack."

Bucky laughed. "You know me so well."

\---  


The dark gray skies got angry and the rain got heavier. Thunder crackled and the apartment shook. The two Brooklyn boys were on the floor in front of the couch eating some homemade nachos. Lightning cracked across the sky with fury.

"Fuck that sounded close" The two guys turned to look out the window to see if anything had been struck.

"Scared Buck?"

"Scared of being stuck here with you."

Steve lightly punched his shoulder. "Why am I friends with you?"

"Cause I'm so irresistible." He flashed one of his flirty Bucky Barnes smiles with nacho cheese dripping out of his mouth and down his chin.

Steve shook his head with a smile. He couldn't even respond to that.

"Yeah that's what I thought.” Bucky taunted. Another bolt of lightning crackled and the lights flickered.

Steve didn't want the power to go out. He knew it would get very hot in his apartment let alone it would be boring. Not that Bucky was ever boring he just didn't want to feel like he couldn't entertain him.

The sky roared again and the apartment shook.

The guys got up and looked out the window. The streets were flooded. The streetlights reflecting in the small river like flow that had taken over.

"So I think I might need to stay on your couch tonight..."

"You owe me." Steve said nudging Bucky's side.

"Whatever Rogers." He used that mocking tone.

\---

The night continued with more drinks and laughs. Bucky walked out of Steve's bedroom in one of his shirts and sweatpants. Bucky's hair was sticking up and he was barefoot. Steve was laying on the couch and was in similar attire. He tilted his head upward to see his best friend. Steve never understood how someone could always look like a model regardless of what they were wearing but Bucky always managed.

“What?” Bucky asked noticing the look on Steve’s face.

"Nothing."

"It's never 'nothing' with you Steve. What's in that head of yours?" Bucky asked as he walked over to the couch. He lifted up Steve's legs, sat down, and put Steve's legs on his lap.

"I just was thinking that you would be a good model that's all."

"Really?" Bucky half expected a joke at his expense.

"Yeah. Objectively speaking of course..."

"Of course.." Bucky laughed and patted Steve's legs.

"Shut up you know you're gorgeous."

"Artistically speaking right?" Bucky was dripping with sarcasm.

"Your face is symmetrical."

"That is probably either the best or worst pickup line I've ever heard."

"I hate you." Steve picked his legs up and playfully kicked the side of Bucky's thigh.

"You'll live." Bucky grabbed Steve's legs and put them back on his lap."How is your love life these days?"

Steve grunted.

"That good?" Bucky said with a big smile.

"That nonexistent."

"You'll find someone. You're a catch."

"Thanks Mom." He put a sullen emphasis on the mom. Bucky chuckled. "What about you?"

"No one in rotation at the moment."

"What? Is the bench empty?" Steve always made a joke that Bucky's women were like a basketball team. He had his franchise player and a bench waiting to be put in the game.

"There's no bench Stevie." Bucky gave him a shit eating grin.

"You're incorrigible." Steve reached down and grabbed his beer. He took a swig. Why did he agree to this abuse.

\----

Steve and Bucky were half a season deep into Skin Wars. Steve was sitting upright with his legs resting on the coffee table. Bucky was half laying on Steve with his head on Steve's bicep.

"So have you ever done this?" Bucky asked as the contestants on the show were challenged to paint model's entire bodies while they were practically nude.

"I've never actually had to paint a model. I've had to paint and sketch nudes but never actually do it on them."

"Do you want to?"

"Yeah I think it'd be fun to try."

"I don't know how those models do it. I'd be so afraid to get hard in front of a class or on television like that."

"I can't believe I'm asking this, do you really get excited that easily?"

"I don't know. I just think it's one of those things like you try not to think about it so it's the only thing you think about."

"Makes sense."

"Plus honestly who would want a model with a metal arm?"

"Buck a lot of people would kill to draw you or hell even on you. The metal arm makes you more interesting."

Bucky tilted his head up and gave Steve a small genuine smile. Steve shifted his arm to rest across Bucky's shoulder and down his metal arm. Bucky's head was now resting on Steve's pec.

"If you want...you could use me as a canvas...only if you want..." Bucky kind of mumbled as if he only wanted Steve to hear.

"You want me to paint you naked?"

"It could be fun. Besides you're probably the only person I would trust to do it with."

"I get that."

"Have you ever posed for anyone naked?"

Steve laughed.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I'm far from a model Buck."

"Shut up Steve! You're a babe. Especially now with all of this." Bucky patted Steve's pec.

"Thanks but I don't know it's just..."

"What?"

"I don't know. I just still feel like that little sickly kid that no one noticed. I don't exactly feel like a model. Who would want to draw me?"

"Steve..." Bucky's word was dripping with concern.

"It's not a big deal. I just don't think I'm that great looking. There are a lot hotter guys out there that should get photographed and drawn. I'm ok with that."

"I'm not. Steve you're a catch. You're really handsome and thanks to your insane work ethic you've got an amazing body. You should be proud. I'm proud of you." Bucky squeezed Steve in a hug.

Steve leaned down and kissed the top of Bucky's head. "Thanks. I mean it." Steve's words were almost sad.

"Maybe if your luck holds out I'll draw you naked."

Steve threw his head back and laughed. His whole body shook. Bucky was happy he could lighten Steve's mood.

\---

The night continued and the heavy rain was hitting the window in a soothing white noise. Both guys were laying down. Steve had his head on two pillows as he was practically spooning Bucky on the couch. Steve often wondered about how tactile they were with each other but Bucky never said anything so he didn't read into it.

"That's the worst." Bucky commented watching the couple on the screen kiss. "When it's your first time kissing someone and it's awkward cause you don't know how big they open their mouth or the way they are going to tilt their head or if your nose is going to hit theirs."

Steve chuckled softly.

"No I lied! The worst is watching those super religious people that have their first kiss when they are getting married and it looks like a lion eating a zebra. It's all whale mouthing and tongue darting."

Steve started laughing harder. "Whale mouthing?"

Bucky rolled over to look up at Steve. "Yeah whale mouthing. You know how whales just open their mouth and swallow fish when they eat" Bucky opened his mouth all wide. "They go like this" He kept his mouth open and started making awkward tongue motions.

"No wonder why you're single."

"Fuck off. I'm a good kisser. Not my fault those virgins whale mouth each other."

"I'm sure Buck. I'm sure." Steve patted Bucky's chest while he continued to laugh.

Bucky rolled back over to face the TV. Steve wrapped his arm around his chest.

"I bet you whale mouthed your first kiss."

"I did not!" Bucky said with a laugh. "It was a peck on the lips."

"With who?"

"Dottie in fourth grade during a spin the bottle party."

"How romantic."

"Who was your first kiss? Let me guess...Peggy?" He said he name with a smug tone.

"I'm not telling."

Bucky rolled back over to look at Steve. "Yes you are."

Steve leaned over Bucky's face "No! I'm not." His face got flush.

"Are you embarrassed?!"

"No!"

"Yes you are! Who was it?" Steve didn't say anything. "Was she ugly?" Steve looked at the TV. "Are you sure it wasn't Peggy."

Steve shook his head. "It wasn't Peggy."

"Steve come on tell me. I need to know."

"It was a guy that's all I'm saying."

"Holy shit! Steve Rogers are you a gold star gay?!"

"A what?"

"A gold star gay. A gay man that never had sex with a girl."

"Bucky I'm Bi..."

Bucky gave Steve that 'are you sure look'. "Ok but who was your first kiss?"

"It's embarrassing."

"Steve come on it's me. I will tease the shit out of your but deep down I don't care."

"Well I do."

Bucky's facade dropped. "Please?"

"It was you. Ok?" It was spat out with a little bit of venom.

"Me? We've never kissed." Bucky was thoroughly confused.

"Do you remember when we were 13 and I was in the hospital with that lung infection."

"That doesn't count Steve." Bucky had to think. He barely remembered kissing Steve. Hell he didn’t even think it happened.

"Yes it does Buck."

"No it doesn't."

"Buck you have no idea how much that kiss meant to me."

Bucky gave him a confused look.

"Just forget it." Steve turned his attention to the TV.

"No. Rogers tell me." Bucky reached up and pulled Steve's chin to look at him. “Tell me.” Bucky's blue eyes were pleading.

Steve couldn't look Bucky in the eyes."I wanted to die Buck." Steve's voice was heavy and his eyes begin to fill.

"What?" Bucky was silently praying he didn’t hear Steve properly.

Steve took a heavy breath. "I was tired Buck. So fucking tired. I had been getting sick month after month. Year after year. You have no idea how miserable I was. No one in school would talk to me except for you. I was that small awkward kid who couldn't even play because everyone thought he would die. Do you know how many asthma attacks I've had in my life? I can't even begin to guess Buck. And how hard it is to sit on the sidelines your entire life when you want be normal? There were nights I could hear my mom crying because she felt horrible she couldn't afford better treatment for me or give me the life she thought I deserved. The woman was working two jobs just to afford my hospital bills. I still feel like I worked my mom into an early grave." Steve had tears just streaming from his eyes. Bucky was in a similar state.

"But that infection was it for me. I was tired, angry, and so fucking sad. Every breath felt like I was being stabbed. The antibiotics didn't help and I felt like everyone would be better without me. Mom could work less maybe find a new man and have a normal life. I could maybe even feel normal or have some relief...” Steve had to stop to check his emotions to keep talking.

“She had come in the room earlier that day. You know I was in and out of consciousness and I was awake and said goodbye and that I loved her. She thought I was saying goodbye for the day when I meant forever...The only reason I was still hanging on was because I wanted to say goodbye to you. I needed to just say goodbye because you had been an amazing friend and you deserved to have a normal life too." Steve couldn't control how hard he was crying. He had never told anyone about this.

"If i just died you could have normal friends and play games and sports and not feel like you had to protect me all the time. But then you came in the room. And I could feel your tear hit my face and I turned my head as you kissed my cheek but it hit the corner of my mouth. I could hear you say that you needed me. That I was your best friend and how mad at me you'd be if I died. That I couldn't give up because you needed me so much." Steve had to stop and take a few breaths and wipe his eyes.

"I felt like the worst person in the world that I wanted to die. I didn't realize that you actually cared about me that much. I always looked up to you Buck and the fact you were crying over me broke my heart. I felt selfish and horrible...I wanted to die and you needed me. I couldn't leave you like that. So I decided to fight. That kiss literally saved my life Buck. You have no idea how important you are.” Steve kept wiping his eyes as if it would stop the tears.

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" Bucky managed to get out while he was crying heavily.

"It's embarrassing Buck. I was suicidal and you didn't intend for that kiss to be anything but a get well soon and I took it as you loved me as more than just a friend. I'm not saying boyfriend but you were the only person in my life that gave a shit about me. I've been pretty pathetic in my life but that was the worst."

"You've never been pathetic." Bucky pulled Steve down and they both cried into each other's shoulders.

A few minutes passed "I'm so fucking mad at you." Bucky said wiping his face. "I can't believe you wanted to die. Fuck Steve." The tears started up again. "I can't do this without you." He shook his head and he started sobbing. Steve felt like shit and started sobbing too.

"I'm sorry Buck. I'm so sorry." He whispered as he grabbed Bucky again. 

"I love you Steve. Don't you ever fucking leave me. Promise me."

"I promise Buck." Steve ran his hand through Bucky's hair. He never expected his night to turn out like this.

The sky lit up and the room went dark. The power went out.

"Great." Bucky said sarcastically. Both guys were sniffling trying to get their emotions under control. Both of their heads were spinning with too many thoughts and feelings.

"Let me go light a candle or two..." Steve mumbled. He really just wanted to get away from Bucky for a minute or two. Steve took out his phone and used the flashlight app to go into his room and find what he needed. He lit up a candle and put it on his dresser.

Steve sat on the edge of his bed and put his head in his hands. His elbows rested on his knees and he looked around the room. Half of it had that orange like glow from the candle. It was still him, it was still his room, it was still Bucky, yet things had changed. The perspective was all different. His deepest secret was out and he didn't know how to think or feel. He didn't want Bucky to know because his friendship with Bucky was one of the most important things in his life.

Steve felt the bed dip and turned to look as Bucky laid chest down next to Steve. He leaned over and laid his head on Steve's thigh. "You ok?"

"I guess. You?"

"I'm just frustrated you went through that all alone." Bucky put his hands under his chin but was still resting on Steve's thigh, looking at the same wall Steve was.

"I had you...I just didn't tell you."

"You're a fucking moron." Steve laughed.

"Yeah I won't argue with that." Steve admitted

"Good." They stayed like that for a few minutes. Neither one knew what to say or do.

"I think that crying wore me out. Let's go to sleep." Bucky reached over and pulled Steve's hand.

The two got comfortable in Steve's bed. The two were laying on their sides facing each other.

"Good night Steve." Bucky said with a half smile.

"G'nite Buck" Steve smiled back.

Bucky leaned in and gave Steve a chaste kiss on the lips. "Love you Stevie."

"Love you too..." Bucky turn the other way and backed himself into Steve who cuddled him like he's always done. Steve wrapped his arm around Bucky's chest and Bucky held onto his arm.


	2. Chapter 2

As the night went on the temperature rose. First the guys got out from under the covers. Then shirts came off. And then the pants. Both guys were in their boxer briefs and still feeling miserable from the heat.

"I hate hurricanes" Steve moaned adjusting his legs trying to cool off.

"I hate the heat. This is miserable."

"It's like Satan is sitting on my face."

"Is that why you're hard?"

"What?" Steve snapped up to look at his dick. "I hate you." Steve was slightly visible sitting up from the glow of the flickering candle.

"No you don't. You love when I talk about your dick."

"I'd rather use it to shut you up." Steve blushed as he said it.

"Steven Rogers! Who knew you were so filthy!"

"I always said you bring out the worst in me."

Bucky let out a throaty laugh. "And the kinky side."

"You haven't seen nothing yet..." Steve mumbled.

"I know it's too dark in here." Bucky teased back.

"It makes your face more tolerable."

"Fuck you." Bucky said through his laugh.

The room went silent and the two best friends adjusted to get more comfortable. They both wound up looking at each other. The light on their face was barely registering but Steve thought Bucky never looked more beautiful. Bucky thought Steve was absolutely perfect. Bucky had never really thought about being with another guy. But this wasn’t another guy, it was Steve.

Bucky thought about all those times Steve was there for him in his life. How many nights like tonight they had together. Laughing and although there was literally nothing to keep them occupied it was the best night of his life. Bucky is only ever at his best when he's with Steve. It was a comforting thought but also scary. Bucky knew he loved Steve and right now he felt like wanted to love Steve even more.

Bucky wanted to say and do so much but he had no idea how to register what was going on. Maybe it was the intoxication of the heat making him lust after his best friend. Maybe it was a realization of something that should've happened a long time ago. Or maybe it was Bucky actually appreciating how fucking gorgeous Steve Rogers really was.

Bucky reached out his hand and pushed back Steve's slightly damp hair. Bucky didn't care that they were sweaty or that things were going to be awkward. Bucky only cared about having the courage to touch Steve because if he didn't do it now he would never do it in his lifetime.

Steve's heart was hammering in his chest. Bucky had touched Steve a million times but this was different. This felt different. There was something in the way Bucky was looking at him. Steve wanted to just roll over and lay on top of his best friend and make out. It's been a common fantasy of his since he was a teenage boy. Bucky was always the love of his life. It took Steve years to just accept that Bucky would only love him as a friend but that one motion brought back years of pining.

Bucky prayed he was reading everything right. Bucky rubbed his hand through Steve's head again. This time he dragged his hand down the side of Steve's face and ran his thumb over Steve's lips. Bucky leaned over and kissed Steve on the lips. Steve instinctively wrapped his hand around Bucky's head to intensify the kiss. Steve was trying hard not to smile and ruin the kiss. He wanted this for so long he didn't want to mess it up with his giddiness.

When the two needed air they slowly pulled apart.

"Wow..." The words barely escaped Bucky's mouth as he was desperate for air.

"Yeah."

The two boys both gave a nervous chuckle.

"You weren't lying about being a good kisser." Steve said with a slight joke.

"I would never lie about such things."

Bucky propped his arm up and rested his head in his metal hand. His other arm was lazily rubbing up and down Steve's chest.

"You ok?" Steve asked. He wanted to ravish Bucky but he knew he couldn't force Bucky to do anything. Hell if nothing else happened that kiss was enough to fulfill any masturbatory fantasy he'd ever have for the rest of his life.

"Yeah I'm just a little nervous is all..." Steve thought Bucky sounded small for the first time in his life.

Steve grabbed Bucky's hand and lifted it to his lips. He kissed his palm. "Don't be. It's just me. We can go as fast or as slow as you like. I'm not going anywhere."

Bucky's face lit up. Steve always knew the right thing to say to him.

"Well I do know that it's way too hot in here so I think these are going to have to go..." Bucky said pulling at the elastic of Steve's boxer briefs.

"I'd be ok with that."

"Good."

Steve took off his underwear and was completely hard. "I wouldn't mind seeing you..." Steve got flustered. He was embarrassed but being adorable.

"You want me naked?" Bucky said with jovial tone.

"Not if you don't want to. I'm fine with me being naked. I just...I think you're beautiful and I...I just would love to see all of you is all."

"You're too fucking cute you know that?" Bucky said shaking his head before he got on top of Steve and started kissing him. Steve's hands slid down to the small of Bucky's back.

"You can take them off Stevie." Bucky said in between kisses. Steve grabbed and ripped Bucky's boxer briefs in two and cleanly off his body.

"Fuck." Bucky got hard fast."That was hot."

Steve grabbed Bucky's ass. It was perfection.

"I've wanted this for so fucking long Buck. Wanted you."

"You've got me Steve." Bucky dug his hips down hard so their cock's were grinding together.

"I'm not going to let you go." Steve's words were breathy. He grabbed Bucky's ass so hard he knew he was going to leave bruises. He didn't care though. He was going to make the most of the night.

They continued to grind and kiss. "Can I?" Steve asked as his hand trailed down toward their cocks."

"Yeah." Buck said before he leaned in and lightly bit Steve's lower lip.

Steve lined up their cock's and began to stroke them.

The temperature in the room felt like it had gone up a thousand degrees. The two friends were moaning as every kiss got more needy. Every grab was meant to hold forever. Every look was like it was the last time. The two were getting close and fast.

"Steve stop."

"Are you ok? Did I do something wrong?" Steve panicked.

"I'm fine. I want to do it."

Steve removed his hand from their cocks and Bucky began to reach down.

"Wait."

Bucky gave Steve a puzzled look.

"Use the metal one."

"You really are a kinky a son of a bitch." Bucky joked.

"Only with you." Before Bucky could say anything else Steve assaulted his lips.

Bucky used his metal hand and began to jerk their cocks. It didn't take long before they were both moaning as they came together.

Bucky rolled off of Steve, who then curled half way up on Bucky.

"That was amazing."

"It was, even if it was just a jerk off."

"I don't know about you but I wouldn't mind going further at some point." Steve looked at Bucky longingly.

"I think that could be arranged." Bucky said pecking Steve on the lips.

"Oh let me get you a towel. I don't want my cum to rust your arm."

Bucky groaned. "Fuck you Rogers."

"Maybe you will" Steve said with a laugh as he got up and out of bed. Bucky took in his muscular frame. His wide shoulders that lead to narrow hips with the greatest ass he'd ever seen. He was in lust with his best friend and if he really wanted to think into it he knew he loved him too.

\---

Bucky woke up to Steve kissing his chest. "A guy could get used to this."

"Good." The sun was filtering in and making Steve's hair radiate gold.

Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve and held him. "So what should we do today?"

"I see no need for you to get dressed today."

"Haha oh really?"

"I kind of like you naked."

"I'm starting to think you only want me for my body."

"Pretty much."

"You're so mean to me."

"Let me make it up to you." Steve adjusted and got on top of Bucky.

They made love for the first time.

\---

Bucky woke up again to the smell of bacon. Bucky stretched and a smile spread across his face. He was in love and it was amazing.

Bucky shuffled his feet and made his way to the kitchen. Steve was naked wearing an apron. 

Bucky started to laugh. "You always amaze me."

"Good."

Steve walked over, grabbed Bucky, and gave him a deep passionate kiss. "You have no clue how happy I am right now."

"I think I do." Bucky grabbed Steve's hardening erection.

Steve moaned as Bucky kissed him again. Bucky pulled away "The bacon."

Steve rushed over to the stove and pulled the pan off the stove. Steve fixed up two plates and sat down next to Bucky at the table.

"It's good" Bucky mumbled with his mouth full.

Steve had a huge smile throughout the entire breakfast.

\---

Steve and Bucky were still naked hours later as they were laying on the couch watching TV. The air conditioning was on high and they were keeping each other warm. The hurricane had cleared and life was returning to normal. Everything was comfortable until Bucky's cellphone rang.

Bucky answered the phone and his demeanor changed. Steve noticed this as Bucky walked out of the room.

Steve continued to watch TV and got worried as almost fifteen minutes had passed. He got up and looked for Bucky. Once Steve made it to his room he heard the shower running. Steve got to his bathroom door and stopped. He wanted to check on Bucky, actually he really wanted to join Bucky but he wasn't sure if he was being too clingy. He pushed that feeling down and knocked on the door as he answered.

"Buck?"

"Yeah Steve?"

"You ok?"

Bucky leaned his head out of the shower. "Yeah. Come on in the water's warm." He winked.

Steve got in and grabbed Bucky's face and kissed him. "Are you sure you're ok? Your eyes look red."

"Yeah I got soap in my eyes. Too busy thinking about a certain someone..."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah do you think I have a shot with Tony Stark?"

"I can't believe I'm dating you."

"Dating?" Bucky's eyebrow shot up.

"Um...yeah...aren't we?"

"You're an idiot." Bucky leaned in and kissed Steve. Bucky then positioned himself behind Steve and began to lather him up. They took a nice, long, slow, shower. Both taking time to just touch and enjoy each others bodies and company.

\---

When the shower ended the two men got dressed. Steve was over the moon that Bucky was wearing his clothes yet again.

Steve wanted to go over the top for their first date so he took Bucky out to a fancy dinner at a French restaurant. They then walked the park and ate ice cream. Both guys were so nervous about transitioning from friends to more but their first date was amazing.

Steve didn't let go of Bucky's hand at any point during their walk. He pulled Bucky along and back into his apartment. The two kissed their way to the bedroom and spent the whole night entwined as they made love again.

\---

The morning sun rose and along with it the new couple.

Steve woke Bucky up with a kiss. "I love you Bucky Barnes." Steve intertwined his hand in Bucky's metal one.

"I love you too Steve."

"I wish we could stay like this forever." Steve leaned his head on Bucky's shoulder.

"I do too." Bucky kissed the top of Steve's head. "But we can't...I'm moving."


	3. Chapter 3

“Steve you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Sam’s tone was harsh like a mother scolding her child.

“I’m not doing anything.” Steve said dragging his feet in the kitchen. He was shirtless, in sweats and eating a bowl of cereal.

“That’s just it. You aren’t doing anything. You’re letting all this go to waste.” Sam pointed at Steve’s physique. “Bucky’s been gone for almost six months and you have done nothing but pine for him.”

“I’m not pining!”

“Do I need to grab the picture off your nightstand?” Sam was referring to a picture that magically appeared in a frame the day Bucky left. It was of Steve and Bucky at Coney Island. It was a cute picture and you could tell both guys were having the time of their life. Sam knew it was messing with Steve’s head.

“No!” Steve barked back.

“I’m just saying I’m worried. I know you’re hurting and I want to see you get back out there. I’m not saying get married but at least go on a date. Hell grab a drink. I’ll be your wing-man if you want.”

“I’ll think about it…”

“That’s all I’m asking…” 

\---

Steve wiped his face with his sleeve as he finished re-racking his weights.

“Hey!”

Steve turned to follow the sound of the man’s voice. The man who was looking directly at him.

“Do you mind spotting me?”

“Uh, sure.” Steve made his way over to the bench. The guy was tall, in great shape, had dirty blond hair. 

“Danny Rand.” The guy reached out his hand.

“Steve Rogers.”

“Thanks I appreciate the help.”

Steve spotted Danny as he benched an impressive weight. They chatted briefly and then Steve hit the showers. He got dressed and was fixing his hair when Danny walked into the bathroom. 

“Steve, glad I bumped into you before you left. Uh I was wondering if you’d like to get coffee...with me.” Danny gave a small smile.

Steve was a bit shocked. Not that he was thinking about Danny’s sexuality but he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to be into guys. Steve thought about what Sam had berated him for. He took the plunge “yeah that would be great.”

“Do you mind waiting like 10 minutes I’ll shower and throw on clothes?”

“Yeah that’s fine.”

“Great.” Danny was beaming as he pulled off shirt and showed off his six pack. Steve suddenly was feeling thirsty.

\---

The two had found a local coffee shop that Steve had never been to. They chatted for a half hour and got along really well. However Steve felt guilty because the entire time he had compared Danny to Bucky. It wasn’t fair to Danny and it wasn’t fair to himself. 

When it had come time for Danny to leave for work Steve gave him a kiss on the cheek and they exchanged numbers to hang out again. Steve was conflicted, he wanted to like Danny, he wanted to feel comfortable with another guy, but part of him was still ensconced on Bucky.

Steve had a growing headache as he left the coffee shop. He had a few errands to run and knew he couldn’t make it all day. He managed to find himself in a pharmacy. He walked down the painkiller aisle and grabbed a box of Advil.

“James hurry up we're going to be late!” The female voice sounded familiar.

“Oh yes wouldn’t want to be late for this.”

“Don’t even get me started. I know you don’t want to go but just think of the alternative.”

“I know. I’m just tired Nat and not looking forward to the aftermath”

“I know Buck but you’re doing good. You just have to hang in there a little bit longer.” Steve’s eyes lit up. It was Natasha voice. Steve went around the aisle and looked. Sure enough it was Natasha giving a guy in a baseball cap a side hug.

“Bucky?” Steve asked and the guy shifted awkwardly. 

Natasha was slightly thrown.

“What are you doing here? Nat why didn’t you tell me Buck was back?” Steve felt betrayed.

“Look Steve…” Bucky started to say. He had his head hanging low.

“Steve we are running late. Why don’t we all talk about this later?” Her tone was ‘I’m going to say this like a suggestion but this is what’s going to happen’.

“No. How long have you been back? Why didn’t you tell me you were visiting?” Steve was gutted. The love of his life was back and his friend didn’t tell him.

Bucky lifted his head up. If Bucky didn’t have the most gorgeous eyes that Steve had ever seen he wouldn’t have recognized his friend. Bucky’s skin was discolored, gaunt, and had dark circles under his eyes.

“Buck?” Every ounce of Steve’s concern was evident in his voice. He didn’t even need to ask about what his heart was telling him.

Bucky bit his lip like he always did before removing his hat. He was completely bald with no eyebrows or eyelashes. 

Steve felt like he had been kicked in the stomach. Every ounce of air was painfully pulled from his lungs. His eyes began to fill up.

Bucky’s eyes began to water as well. “I’m sorry Steve.”

“Why…” Steve couldn’t get his full thought out. He turned his head to look away. His heart was breaking. He took a deep breath.

“Steve we can talk about this later ok? We need to go or you’ll be late for your treatment.” Natasha said comforting Bucky who was seconds away from a full breakdown.

“Treatment?” Steve choked out.

“I have thyroid cancer…” Bucky managed to get out before he started to cry. He felt horrible for what was happening.

Steve stood there shaking as he wept. “Go. You can’t be late for that.”

“I’m sorry.” Bucky admission was barely audible.

Steve kept trying to wipe the tears from his face but it wasn’t enough. “Look just go Buck, you can’t be late for chemo.”

“Yeah.” Bucky forced his eyes shut trying to get control of his emotions but it wasn’t working.

Steve walked over and pulled his friend into a big hug. “We’ll talk later. Just go get healthy ok?” It was more of a plea.

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded.

Natasha put her arms and Bucky’s shoulders and guided him to the register to pay for their stuff.

Steve had no clue how long he stood there crying trying to figure out what just happened. 

\---

Sam walked in the door and heard crying from Steve’s bedroom. Sam rushed to Steve “What’s wrong?” Sam sat on the bed and started rubbing Steve's back. Steve was in a full fetal position hugging a pillow. 

“Bucky has cancer.” Steve began to cry harder. Just voicing it made it real and made it even harder to accept.

“I’m so sorry Steve. Is he ok?”

“I don’t know. He looks like death.”

“You saw him?” 

“He’s here getting chemo. Nat was with him.”

“Wait he’s already getting chemo. Why didn’t he tell you?”

“I don’t know. Why would he keep this from me?”

“I don’t know Steve but you need to ask him.”

Steve wiped his eyes and sniffed. “Yeah. I do.”

“You deserve better than this. I know Bucky’s got it tough but he shouldn’t treat you like this.”

“I know…”

“Have you eaten dinner yet?”

“No.”

“Look, I’ll fix us something but I think you should have a talk with Nat and Bucky tonight. I can go with you if you want.”

“Thanks Sam.” Steve gave him a small smile before he focused on the wall and zoned out.

\---

Natasha opened the door and let Steve in. “How is he?”

“He’s in his room watching TV. He’s very nauseous today.”

“Can’t they give him something?”

“They do. It’s wearing off. You can go back and see him but Steve.” Natasha gave him an almost pleading look. “Don’t be too hard on him. He’s going through a lot. I know you’re mad but take that out on me not him, ok?”

Steve just nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat. He made his way back to Bucky’s room and opened the door slowly. Bucky was lying under the covers watching TV. His skin was pale and he looked even more skeletal than he did in the pharmacy.

“Hey Buck…” Steve said quietly.

Bucky could barely turn his head. “Steve?”

“Yeah it’s just me. Don’t move.” Steve sat on the bed next to Bucky. It was a heartbreaking contrast from the last time they were in a bed together. His long hair was gone and that cheeky smile was replaced with pale skin and almost sunken eyes. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Steve had no clue what to say. He wanted to just curl up behind Bucky and hold him till he was himself again.

“Steve?” Bucky’s voice was almost childlike.

“Yeah Buck?”

“Please don’t hate me….”

“Buck.” Steve’s heart broke.

“I know I fucked up.” Bucky was getting upset and Steve couldn’t handle that right now.

“I could never hate you Bucky. Please don’t get worked up. If you cry you might throw up from your nausea.” 

“I’m sorry.” Bucky was trying to swallow his emotion but some tears were escaping.

“We don’t need to talk about this now. We can talk about this when you get better.”

“If I get better...”

“Don’t say that...” Steve started gushing every thought and feeling he had been harboring. “You’re going to get better and then I’m going to kick your ass for not telling me. If you don’t think you’re going to survive this then that fact alone will kill you. Promise me you’ll fight this Buck. Promise me you’ll live for me. I need you.”

Bucky rolled over and and wrapped his metal arm around Steve and snuggled into his chest.

“I love you Bucky. These past six months have been torture without you.”

Bucky made a horrible noise and quickly rolled over and started throwing up in the bucket next to his bed. 

Steve quickly went into caretaker mode and got a wet cloth and glass of water for him. It wasn’t until 4am that Bucky finally fell asleep after throwing up for hours. Steve managed to get about 2 hours before he had to get up and leave for work.

Steve went through the motions of the day. His mind was preoccupied with Bucky. He couldn’t help feel bad for how sick he was. He also didn’t feel any better about why Bucky never told him. As much as he loved Bucky he realized Bucky hadn’t said anything about his feelings last night. Maybe Bucky didn’t actually love him like he claimed he did when they spent the night together during the hurricane. What if Bucky had regretted the whole thing. He probably hated Steve that’s why he cut ties and didn’t even bother to tell him he had cancer. No Bucky would never do that but then again Steve never thought Bucky wouldn’t tell him about having cancer. The whole situation sucked.

\---  


“How’d it go with Bucky?” Sam asked as a very tired Steve who barely shuffled through the door.

“It didn’t. He basically said he wasn’t sure if he’d actually survive having cancer and I went off about how much I love him and need him. He starts puking his brains out for hours on end then falls asleep. But it doesn’t matter Bucky doesn’t actually love me, love me, so....”

“Steven Rogers have you lost your damn mind? That boy is head over heels for you!”

“Sam we were best friends, have amazing sex, profess our love for each other and not even a day later he lies to me saying he’s moving to hide the fact he has cancer. That’s not love. Hell that’s not even being a friend.” Steve sat at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands.

“Maybe he panicked?”

Steve turned his head to look at Sam “Maybe…”

Sam walked over and started rubbing his back. “It’ll work out. It’s rough now but I’m here regardless of what you need.”

“Thanks Sam.” Steve leaned his head on Sam’s hip. Steve wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist. “I’m just scared Sam. I don’t want Buck to die…”

“He’s not going to die. He’s a fighter, he’s getting treatment, and he’s got you. What more could a guy need?”

“I wish I knew…”

“You just need to continue to be there for him. You have to be strong enough for him...and when you need to fall apart I’ll pick you up alright?” Sam flashed a smile and Steve realized again just how lucky he was.

\---

Bucky continued his cycle of chemotherapy and he continued to get sick. Steve and Natasha both took turns taking Bucky for his appointments and treatment. 

“Well if it isn’t two of our favorite guys.” Sharon, one of the nurses, said as Steve and Bucky arrived at the hospital.

“Hey Sharon, how are you?”

“Another day!” She beamed. “How are you feeling Bucky?”

“Like shit Sharon. Like shit.”

“Buck come on.” Steve nudged his best friend. Although he was lately wondering if Bucky felt the same way. There was a horrible tension between them that neither one tried to resolve. Steve had put it to the back of his mind and was trying to focus on being there for Bucky regardless of how much emotional pain he was in.

Bucky wanted to yell at Steve for hitting a guy with cancer but he let it go. He didn’t have anything against Sharon personally but Steve uses his genuine smile when Sharon is around. Bucky was in no position to compete with her but he still didn’t have to like it.

A little bit later Bucky was hooked up by the port in his chest. The chemo had started so Steve felt comfortable enough to leave Bucky to go use the bathroom.

Sharon saw Bucky alone in his room. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a human pin cushion.”

“Sorry. I wish I could help with that.” Bucky could tell she was being genuine. She always was. “Where’d the big guy go?”

“Bathroom.” Bucky wasn’t looking at her. 

“What’s the deal with you two?”

Bucky turned his head and raised his eyebrow...that he quickly remembered wasn’t there. “What do you mean?”

“You two are best friends right?”

“Right.”

“Is everything ok? You’re personality seems distant when you’re here with Steve. You don’t get that way with Natasha. I don’t mean to pry I just know this whole thing is difficult and having the right support is important.”

Bucky sighed. “No things aren’t fine. I don’t even want him here.”

“Why not? I can tell he really cares about you.”

“Well he shouldn’t.”

“If he’s your best friend then I would say he absolutely should. Why don’t you think that?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Most of life is. Make it simple.”

“The simple version is that I don’t want him here. Now could you hand me that blanket I’m going to try and go to sleep.” Bucky was hoping this would get Sharon to stop prying and leave. It worked.

\---

Steve helped Bucky get into bed back at Natasha’s place.

“Thanks Steve.”

Steve only nodded.

“Are you ok? You’ve been quiet all day.”

“If you didn’t want me taking you for your chemo why didn’t you just tell me?”

Bucky’s face fell. “You heard?”

“Yeah Buck I did. I guess I should’ve taken the hint you clearly don’t want me in your life any more. You didn’t tell me you had cancer and now you can’t even tell me that I’m making you miserable when I take you for chemo...I just wanted to be there for you.”

“Steve…”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you fucking tell me you had cancer Buck. I’ve been trying to figure it out for weeks now and then today you do this...Why do you hate me?” A few tears started crawling down Steve’s cheeks. 

“Steve I don’t hate you.” Bucky slowly sat up and started to get out of bed when his color drained and he started to throw up. He barely made it to the bucket. 

Steve was furious with Bucky but the years of love and friendship took over and he took care of Bucky. It seemed like anytime Steve wanted to actually fix his relationship or figure out what was going on with Bucky it ended with Bucky being violently ill.

Bucky’s skeletal frame was hunched over the toilet and Steve finally took notice of the damage the cancer and chemo had taken on Bucky. He was constantly throwing up, always cold, his bones jutted from his skin. He remembers when they made love and Bucky was all warm and muscle. Now he was a walking corpse. He was losing Bucky in every sense. He was no longer his friend or his lover and Steve had a horrible feeling in his gut he might lose him altogether.

\---

Steve grunted as he furiously curled the free weights in his hands. He dropped the weights with a slam when he was done. He rubbed his hands on his shorts then puts his weights back. He walked over to the punching bag, put on his gloves, and went to town. Every punch was a different emotional thought about Bucky. He was pissed. He was in love. He hated cancer. He was scared. But mostly he hated himself. He wasn’t good enough for Bucky. He wasn’t good enough to be his friend. He was too stupid to learn to move on. 

Steve roared and punched the bag so hard it broke off it’s chain and hit the wall.

“Holy shit that was hot.” Steve turned to look at whoever was talking. He was panting and sweating and an all around mess. 

“Danny…”

“Hey Steve. Rough day at the office?” He raised an eyebrow with a smirk.

“Something like that.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.” Steve walked over and started to pick up the punching bag. Danny quickly followed suit and helped him put it back.

“That was kind of impressive.”

“Uh...thanks.” Steve blushed. He didn’t realize just how angry he was until he saw that happen.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Steve felt bad that he hadn’t given Danny a real chance. He seemed like a nice guy.

“It’s complicated.”

“I’ve got time.”

\---

Steve and Danny were at the same coffee shop as their first date. 

“It’s just hard to watch your best friend deteriorate like that.” Steve had filled Danny in but left out their hurricane weekend.

“I’m sorry you both are going through this. If there’s anything you need I’m happy to help.” Danny put his hand over Steve’s.

Steve looked up from lowered lashes. He gave a crooked smile “Thanks.”

“You’re a good guy Steve you deserve to be happy.”

Steve felt guilty for actually believing that. Since that stupid weekend with Bucky his life had been nothing but pain, doubt, and fear. He deserved to actually live a little. He deserved to have a guy that was actually there for him. 

\---

Steve woke up to his phone ringing. He was still groggy from the night before. He and Danny and been drinking. The ended up making out and then passing out in Danny’s bed. Steve grabbed his phone out of his jeans that were discarded next to the bed.

“Lo?” His voice cracked. Fuck it was too early.

“Hey Stevie. It’s me.”

“Hey Buck.” His brain like his voice was not working. It came out monotone.

“I was wondering if…” Bucky started coughing.

Almost a full minute of what sounded like Bucky hacking up a lung Steve asked, “You alright?”

“Yeah sorry. My throat just hurts is all…”

“Morning handsome.” Steve heard as he felt Danny kiss his shoulder.

Steve turned and smiled at Danny “Morning.” He leaned over and gave Danny a quick peck on the lips.

“Who was that?” Bucky asked.

“Danny.”

“Who is Danny?” Bucky’s tone was harsh.

Steve could feel Danny’s eyes on him. He didn’t want to hurt Danny. He didn’t want to hurt Bucky. He knew he didn’t owe either one a damn thing at this point.

“He’s not the reason why you called. So what’s up?” He was a little bit harsher than he wanted to be when he said it.

Bucky would’ve never in a million years would have expected Steve to shut him down like that. Bucky quickly was putting the pieces together.

“I was going to ask you for a favor but Natasha just informed me she took care of it. So you can get back to whatever you were doing. Sorry to interrupt.” Bucky hung up.

“I take it that was Bucky?” Danny asked putting his hand on Steve’s arm.

“Yeah…”

“You ok?” Danny wasn’t sure what happened. He also didn’t understand what was going on between those two. But he didn’t really care because Steve was in his bed and he had one thing on his mind.

“Yeah. I’m getting there.”

“Good.” Danny moved over and got on top of Steve. They started to make out.

\---

Bucky hung up the phone and felt sick. He only called Steve because he realized he was being an ass and wanted to apologize. But as only Bucky could do, he made things worse. Steve already had a new guy and they were sleeping together. He felt like his whole world was falling apart. He didn’t want Steve to be burdened by him but he didn’t want Steve to be with someone else. Bucky rushed to the bathroom and started to vomit. He was crying into the toilet bowl wishing that he would just stop hurting.

\---

Steve came by a week later. He had Natasha take Bucky for his treatments. He felt like they both needed space. Steve was finally starting to feel like Steve and not Steve the guy who feels responsible and has to take care of Bucky. When he walked through the door he wasn’t expecting that Bucky had managed to look even worse than before. Steve felt like his stomach was about to drop. Bucky looked like death.

“Hi.” Steve gave Bucky a small smile as he slowly walked out of his bedroom.

“Hi. Thanks for taking me.” Bucky looked up for a half second to give a small almost fake smile then leaned his head down. He shuffled over to the kitchen table and took his hoodie off the back of the chair. Steve noticed how he looked like a kid wearing his big brothers clothes. For the first time the realization hit Steve that Bucky might actually die. He knew it could be one of the outcomes but today was the day that it wasn’t a notion or a far off possibility. Today it was an actuality. Steve had to choke down his breakfast. He felt sick. 

The treatment took longer than normal because of how dehydrated Bucky was. They had to pump him full of saline, anti nausea, and then administer his chemo. Bucky was barely awake for 15 minutes out of the entire day. When he was awake he was shivering nonstop because of how cold he was. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on his body. He hadn’t been able to keep food down for weeks now. He also was barely sleeping. A fact he didn’t find out till Natasha told him when he brought Bucky home.

\---

Steve sat at his desk staring out the window. He wasn’t even on autopilot. He was just grieving his best friend and he hadn’t even died yet. Yet. That scary word that Steve hated right now. In his heart he knew Bucky was dying and it was only a matter of time.

Steve was shaken from his thoughts when his cell phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Steve you gotta get to the hospital now. Bucky’s stopped breathing. An ambulance had to take us to the hospital.”

Steve couldn’t register what Natasha was saying. For the first time ever she seemed panicked and upset.

Steve didn’t even say anything. He hung up the phone and ran out of his office. He made his way across town in a blur. When he got to reception he didn’t even remember how he got there. He asked the nurse what room Bucky was in but before he could get a response Natasha came into the room crying.

“No.” Steve started crying. Bucky was dead...

“He’s ok…” The two embraced and were sobbing on each other. “I’ve never been that scared before.” Natasha admitted. It must’ve been that bad. Natasha had never admitted to crying or even being close to crying let alone admit fear. For the first time she let herself fall apart.

\---

The two sat inside Bucky’s room for a while. The doctors had run tests and they were waiting for results.

“Mr. Barne’s family?” The doctor asked entering his room. “I’m afraid I don’t have good news.”

Steve wanted to die. He literally wanted to curl up in a hole and die. 

“James’ episode this morning was because the tumor in neck was crushing his windpipe. We managed to get the swelling down but he’s going to have to remain on oxygen till we can operate.”

“Operate? How is the tumor crushing his windpipe? Isn’t the chemo helping?”

“It looks as though the cancer isn’t responding to the treatment like we want it to.”

“Then you need to fix it because this man isn’t dying.” Steve filled with rage. Bucky was suffering so much for nothing. 

“No one wants to see James in this condition. We are doing everything we can for him. But right now he needs this operation or he most likely will die in his sleep if we don’t address this.”

The Doctor explained the operation, the best outcomes, the worst, and the side effects.

\---

It was a little over an hour after the doctor explained the procedure that Bucky woke up.

“James!” Natasha beamed at him. She came over and gave him a hug. He slowly lifted his arm to remove his oxygen mask “Don’t” She said softly. “The tumor in your neck is crushing your windpipe. You’re going to have surgery in a little bit to remove it.”

Steve could see the fear rise up in Bucky’s eyes.

“It’s ok Buck. We’ll be here the whole time.” Steve walked over to the other side of Bucky’s bed and held his hand. 

Bucky gave Steve a small sad smile.

“You scared the shit out of me James. I’m going to kill you when you feel better.”

“I won’t let her.” Steve gave her a not now face as he rubbed Bucky’s hand.

Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand and held it tight. He used his other hand to pull his oxygen mask.

“Bucky no!”

“I...have questions.” Each word was barely a strained whisper. Steve could tell it was hurting him to talk.

“Put it back.” Steve put the mask back on him. “Here type your questions out.”

Bucky took Steve’s phone and typed out ‘what are they going to do?’

Natasha explained the surgery to him.

Bucky typed again ‘Will I lose my voice?’

“You may. They aren’t sure. That area is delicate so it could go either way…” Steve said squeezing his hand.

Bucky nodded slightly. Steve could see the fear rise up again in his eyes.

Bucky typed out another message. ‘Can I die from this…’

Steve swallowed as he read the message. 

“There’s a chance…” Steve felt like shit having to admit it.

Bucky blinked hard and nodded.

Bucky typed another message and handed it to Natasha. 

“You’re going to be fine. I won’t let you be anything but fine…” Natasha kissed him on the forehead. “I’m going to get some coffee.” 

Natasha left the room and Bucky took off his mask.

“Bucky stop!”

“No.” The hoarse voice was barely audible. Bucky looked at him pleading. “I...love you…” Bucky lifted the mask and took a deep breath.

“Bucky you don’t have to.” Bucky put his hand over Steve’s mouth to stop him. Steve gave a small tired laugh.

“I want...you...to hear this...in case...I...lose my voice.” Each word was getting more strained. Bucky put the mask over his mouth and took a deep breath. He put the mask down and kissed Steve’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

Steve shook his head no. “Bucky I’m the one who should be” Bucky put his hand over Steve’s mouth again.

“I should have...told you...about my cancer...I never wanted you...to...to go through...this.” Bucky looked like he was ready to pass out from the pain of talking. Bucky took another deep breath and continued. “I saw what it did...to you when...you were sick...and then your mom…” Bucky looked like he could’ve cried at the mention of Steve’s mother. He felt like her second son. “I didn’t want...you to...go through this...with me.” Another deep breath. “You deserved...better.”

Steve’s heart broke. He picked up Bucky’s hand and kissed it. “Are you done?”

Bucky shook his head no. “You...deserve...someone...who can love you.”

“That’s you Buck. I always wanted it to be you.”

“Not...Danny?”

“He could never replace you. I’ve loved you since we were kids. Why do you think I was so angry with you? I wanted to be there for you. Like you were for me. You saved my life Buck, I wanted to die. Now you’re sitting here sick and I feel helpless and the fact you didn’t want me around made it worse. I thought you hated me and us sleeping together made everything worse.”

“No...I loved you..too much...wanted…” Bucky started coughing and he started crying from the pain.

“It’s ok Buck just try to stay calm. Deep breaths if you can.” Steve held the oxygen mask over his face.

It took a few minutes but Bucky calmed down.

He grabbed Steve’s hand. “I...just wanted...to spare you...from this...the pain...in case...I died...or die.” Bucky had hot tears streaming down his face. 

Steve was in a complete state as well. “You are not going to die. You’re going to get this tumor removed and…” Steve had to shake his head and catch his breath. His emotions were taking over. “And you’re going to get better so every morning when I roll over and look at you I can hear you say you love me.” Steve’s face was red and tear stained. “We’re going to get more aggressive with your treatment and you’re going to get better. So we can be together. Because I need you Bucky Barnes. You hear me? I need you. So you’re going to fight so we can be together. You’re going to have this surgery and you’re going to be fine. I love you. I always have and I always will.”

Bucky pulled his mask down. “Kiss me?” 

Steve just nodded and leaned in. The kiss was chaste. Steve pulled back and wiped his face on his sleeve. He hated the part of him that thought it would be the last time he’d get to kiss him.

\---

The doctor came in and took Bucky right after their kiss. Natasha held Steve as he cried in the waiting room. Sam had found them and was their shoulder to cry on. Their hearts were broken and they still had a few hours before they would know anything.

The doctor emerged after an eternity. Steve hadn’t spoken once he stopped crying. He zoned out and thought about all the mistakes in his life. If he had just told Bucky he loved him sooner they could’ve had almost a whole life together already.

Natasha smacked Steve’s arm. “Steve.” the two stood up and closed the gap between them and the doctor. Sam followed suit.

“How is he?” Steve asked fearing the answer.

“He’s stable. We managed to remove the tumor however...he’s more swollen then I’d like. There could be complications, we are going to keep monitoring him.”

“Thank you! Can we see him?” Natasha was relieved beyond words.

“He’s in recovery now. He needs his rest. You should be able to see him in a few hours.”

“Thank you.” Steve said with a fresh set of tears running down his face. The doctor left and the three friends embraced each other.

\---

*Four Years Later*

“Lift your head Mr. Rogers.” He complied. “I’m not feeling anything out of the ordinary.” The doctor checked his ears, nose, and looked down his throat. “Everything seems ok.” The doctor made a note and looked at his clipboard, “How much sleep are you getting?”

“Um...only a few hours on a good night.”

“And your diet?”

“Uh...I...haven’t been eating as regularly as I should.”

“Mr. Rogers you need to take care of yourself. It looks to me like you are just worn out. You need to eat and sleep regularly.”

“I know. I just panicked that something more serious may have been wrong since everything that happened four years ago.”

“It’s understandable. You had throat cancer. I’d rather see you be proactive and come here when you think something is wrong than ignore it.”

“I guess Steve was right. I just have been run down because of the baby.”

“How old?

“He’s six months old.”

“That would do it. You’re a new parent.” The doctor put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s expected to be run down. Just try to find some time to try to sleep and eat. If you you still feel sick or unwell after that feel free to come back and we can run some tests.”

“Ok.” Bucky nodded. He ran a hand through his hair and gave a relieved smile.

\---

“So how did it go?” Steve asked as Bucky walked through the door.

“Great. I’m just run down cause of this little man.” Bucky gave Steve a brief kiss on the lips and took the baby from his arms. 

“I thought so.”

“I just had to be sure.” Bucky said almost apologetically as he nuzzled his nose into the baby’s cheek.

“It’s better to have peace of mind Buck.”

“I just don’t want to go through that again. I’m lucky to still have my voice.” 

“That surgery made your voice a little bit huskier and sexier.” Steve said with a smile and raised his eyebrows.

“So you keep saying.”

“I do because you Bucky Barnes Rogers are incredibly sexy, and handsome, and I think tonight we should try to make this guy an older brother.” Steve tickled the baby in Bucky’s arms.

“I don’t think it’s going to work but I’m very willing to try.” He said lowering his voice to try and be sexy.

“I’m so glad I married you.” Steve said as he leaned in and kissed Bucky. The kiss got interrupted when their son pulled Steve’s hair and giggled. Steve and Bucky wouldn’t want to be interrupted any other way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I appreciate it!

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a conversation with my co-workers. Apparently in Florida if the hurricanes aren't severe people just all hang out and get drunk with each other. I thought that would be a great premise for a fic.
> 
>  
> 
> Also a huge thank you to TBT! The fact you always listen and read my shit means the world to me. Love you!


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